I Wrote This Three Years Ago on Valentines Day
Snowflakes float and fall through the blistering February air. It's Valentines Day - a day of warm sex and cold hearts. The overcast skies prevent the sun from really shining on this grey February afternoon. Flower shops and candy stores love today more than some couples do. I've experienced Valentines Day with a loved one on two or three occasions, it can be a special day for all the lovebirds out there. It also brings all the cynical bitches and pricks out of the woodwork. Me, I'm somewhere in between. On one hand, I am extremely happy for all of my friends that are actually in love, with pure relationships that exemplify that. On the other hand, it makes me cringe to see the amount of fake and diluted "love". It gets passed around like a cheap bottle of whiskey on an early Sunday morning. In this day and age there aren't a lot of things that are pure and unscathed, it's unfortunate. The word gets tossed around like dollar bills at a strip club. Some of us throw them and some of us pick them up.
I'd like to consider myself a gentleman on my best days. I'm not a self-proclaimed player like some of my friends. My heart was broken by more than one person. I broke my own heart by turning into the worst version of myself. I was insecure and envious. Then my first love broke my heart after almost three years together. To be completely honest, it crushed me at the time. But it was my fault that she broke my heart, because I broke hers first. I promised her that I'd pursue my passion as much as I could after I graduated high school. Instead, I turned into a pill-head - I was a pharmaceutical junkie. My heart grew cold and I was no longer the young man that she originally fell in love with. She was gorgeous - with a smile that could cure the darkest despair and depression, a mind that conveyed original thoughts intelligently, and a heart that was golden. Many nights were spent in the depths of each others' souls. We truly knew each other and in those long moments, I felt the world come to a stop. Our hopes and dreams were scattered all over each others' minds. The places that we'd travel together and the amazing things that we'd do kept us content during a time that we didn't know much about the world. We fell in love years before we had sex. I said, "I love you", to her way before I even kissed her. I know what true love is, because I've had it and lost it. And now I need to move on and learn from it.
These memories fill my conscience as I gaze out into the whitened landscape. There is so much more to love than expensive gifts and extensive sex. You should be able to hold your lover's hand and feel their heartbeat. When you kiss, it should make you fall in love all over again. It sounds cliche, but it's real. Conversation is even more important than making love. You should be talking more than you're fucking. If wine and whiskey bring the truth out more than sadness and setbacks, it isn't what you think it is. Money shouldn't even be close to the most important thing, but make sure you're rich with romance. You shouldn't have to prove anything to anybody, there's no need to put your personal life in the public's eye. You can search for love, high and low, but if it doesn't want to be found, it won't. Just know that it isn't in expensive chocolate or designer clothes, romance doesn't equate to dollar signs. You shouldn't have to bribe your Valentine if they truly love you. With that being said, Happy Valentines Day.